I ain't lost, just wandering
by falltamarspring
Summary: My take on Kate's life after leaving the island. Spoilers for series finale, 6x17 and 6x18. Story title from Hometown Glory by Adele. Don't own the song and I definitely don't own Lost.


**Spoilers for 6x17, 6x18 : The End. **

**The Lost Series Finale left me desperate so desperate for Jate fics that I had to write one just to satisfy my crave. I wrote it quickly so it's unbeta-ed and English is not my first language, so if you find any mistakes please let me know.**

**I do not own Lost. (It felt ridiculous to type these words, obviously I don't own them or else this show would not have ended today.)**

**Sorry if this is really unimaginative or just plain boring. It's just what I picture in my head happening to Kate after the finale and before the FST. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.**

* * *

The cops wait for her as soon as she gets off the plane. This time, she doesn't even bother running away. She lets them take her; arrest her for violating her parole. She's sentenced to two months in prison and she doesn't _care_. The thoughts and memories of Jack in her head are her own personal prison and more of a punishment than the judge will ever know.

* * *

When she gets out, she buys a new condo. During her stay in jail she ordered her lawyer to list her old house up for sale. She tells him to get rid of everything that's in it. The only thing she needs from her old life is strung on a chain, hanging around her neck. She sits up in bed every night and pushes the ring back onto her finger, remembering. God, she misses him so much.

* * *

A week later she takes a pregnancy test. It's positive. At first she doesn't remember when – _how – _but then it comes flooding back. That night. It seems like a lifetime ago. She cries for the first time since leaving the island that night, wondering which is worse: The little girl he desperately wanted (A week before he leaves, they lie in bed and he kisses her stomach, then whispers "We should have a baby" into the soft skin. She looks at him, stunned, in disbelief that this is the same Jack who wouldn't come see her at first because he didn't think he could be a father. She tells him okay, and that her pills run out next week anyway. She won't get a refill, but he'll be gone) or a little boy who looks exactly like him.

* * *

A month later, Claire and Aaron visit her. She looks at Aaron and all she sees is Jack with him – reading a bed time story, pushing him on swings - and it's like she's not his mother any more, just a woman desperately missing his father. Aaron is doing okay with Claire, who didn't forget to be a mum after all.

* * *

Later that night after Claire puts the boy to bed; she breaks down and confesses her pregnancy. Claire wraps her arms around her, tries to calm her down and whispers "It's alright; it's okay." She just cries harder.

* * *

Turns out, it is a boy. She names him David, but she's not sure why. She registers him as David Shepherd and soon after changes her own last name. She hasn't felt like a Kate Austen since the day he told her he loved her, anyway.

* * *

His presence is always there, haunting them. He appears in the little things David does, like when he asks for piano lessons or when he explained how come he was so brave when they got shots at school ("I just counted to 5, mommy"). She's always seeing him, too – like when she took David to an aquarium when he was 5, and he pointed at some tropical fish deep inside the tank. She leaned closer against the glass and braced her palms against it and god, _there he was_, his palms flat against hers. She blinked and he was gone, and the tears she cried later that night could have filled up another aquarium.

* * *

She only saw Sawyer once after leaving the island. She and Claire purchased a lot in a cemetery and planted trees. One for every person they've lost. Sun, Jin, Sayid, Charlie, Libby, even Locke. Sawyer drops by on the day when they plant Juliette's tree, and she knows Cassidy told him (They keep in touch and she knows Sawyer visits Clementine. She's glad she kept her promise.) He hugs her, compliments her on the garden and on little David who is perched on her hip. She can tell it's a struggle for him not to break down because it's a daily struggle for her as well.

* * *

Years later, she closes her eyes and she sees a plane and handcuffs and a bathroom and god, it's Jack and she's so close to him she can almost _hear_ his heartbeat but then she's pulled away. The image changes and it's her again, outside, in a dress. She's stepping closer to him, runs her palms over his cheeks and confesses that she's missed him so much (she has, _so so much)_. Again, a change and now they're in a church, sitting in a pew and holding hands. He looks down at her and smiles and she's happy, and when the room turns white she knows she now has_ forever_ to tell him everything.

* * *

Before she passes she realizes she's just seen flashes of a life that's _not her own_, but it doesn't matter. Because wherever she's going, wherever the white light leads them, she knows that he'll be with her.

* * *

**I'll miss you, Lost. See you in another life?**


End file.
